I feel like I’m living in a movie. For New Year I came back to my city, Madrid, to see my family and friends again, and my first hours with them was really misplaced. After living a month and a half in Lviv, surrounded by a totally different culture, with a totally different weather, being part of a totally different aesthetic, where the grayscale predominates, return to my city, full of colors, with sun even when it was 1ºC, with people on the streets, on the terraces, I really missed it. But after just 5 days, I went back to Lviv, went back to my black and white movie, and came back with the little family that is being created here. Honestly, I missed my movie, I think I am increasingly linked to this city, and little by little I stop feeling completely foreign here, little by little I become an extra character.
In spite of the fact that I am getting more and more used to life here, and I am creating great ties with the small family that is being created among the volunteers, it is quite complicated to manage the bad days. Those days when nostalgia permeates me, I am filled with unanswered questions, I need to vent and express myself, but again, I have the language barrier. There are many opportunities to contact my family and friends, through social networks for example, and although I can call and talk to them, it is not something that really helps me these days, I need physical contact with them when I speak, not through a screen, in order to let off steam. It’s complicated, but I’m also finding my own alternative ways to let off steam, given the circumstances.
‘My own alternatives’ reminds me of independence. I am proud of myself because I really feel that I am creating a more independent Carla, capable of doing things by herself without depending on another person, and it was one of the main things that I decided to leave Madrid, so when I think In this, I remember why I decided to leave my comfort zone and what my goals are here, and it really comforts me to know that little by little they are being fulfilled.